FFXII Alternate Ending

FFXII:  ALTERNATE ENDING
EPILOGUE:  KISS ME GOODBYE


“Listen to me, Balthier.  Get out of Bahamut immediately.  Please, Balthier!  You mustn’t die! Please, Balthier … come back....”  As Ashe turned in her sleep, she relived that horrible day.  “Balthier!”  Remembering how she had screamed his name that day had brought her out of her restless dreaming.  She immediately jumped awake and breathed heavily.  

She had fallen asleep at her desk, going through a number of official papers.  She barely glanced at them as she got her breathing back under control.  It was strange to think that a year ago she had been fighting every day, and now, she was always knee deep in running the country she had fought so hard to retake.

Ashe rose from her seat and tossed down the pen that she had fallen asleep holding.  Her feet guided her to the place she had acquired so many memories.  Out on the balcony, she could see nearly the entire city of Rabanastre, but it was more than that.  She had spent so many evenings with Rasler out here, too.  She could remember his deep voice and how she had sat for hours listening to his stories on the eve of their wedding.  She had been only a year or two younger than she was now, but it felt like a lifetime had passed.  She had grown so much … and left so much behind.

With that, she gazed out at the monstrosity that stood at the outskirts of the city.  The Bahamut.  It had become a reminder to all of them the price that they had all paid during the war.  But the Bahamut was more to Ashe than anyone could guess.  

The ceasefire had just been ordered, and he had been on the Bahamut all that time.  He had snuck off, she supposed, when he and Fran had left to fix the Strahl.  It did not seem fair that they had had to pay such a large sacrifice just after the war had ended.

But they had saved an entire city with their selfless act.  More than she had expected of a sky pirate.  That brought a faint smile to her lips.

It also brought a tear to her eye.

She could remember when they had first met she had looked down on him; she had been so haughty back then, and she wasn’t too proud to admit it to herself.  As the days had passed, she had learned to trust in Balthier and rely on him just as much as she had accepted Basch, whom she had loathed at one time.

Sometimes she longed for those days long gone, and she could not decide which she wanted to keep more:  the peace that had ensued after the war, or the friends that she had made along the way to do so.  She was so distant from them all now, and even Basch was gone, for he now protected Larsa in order to keep his promise to his late brother and to help ensure that the peace would last.  She looked forward to her coronation next month since Basch, Larsa, and Vaan and Penelo had written their intention of attending.

Yet, it would still be hollow.  She had thought her coronation would be a joyous day, and it would to an extent.  But the people she wished could be there would not be able to attend.  Her husband.  Fran.  And Balthier.  They could not attend because … they were all gone.  She had learned to let go of Rasler, but the deaths of her two friends still haunted her.

“M’lady?” a voice echoed from her entry.

Sighing, Ashe turned from the view and stepped back inside where she found one of her guards standing at the door.  He extended his hand, and she took the small envelope.  “From a Miss Penelo,” he informed.  Thanking and dismissing him, she stared at the little pentagon-shaped bag a long moment as she walked toward the centre of the room to the table.  She sat down and slid out the card from its pocket.  A string was attached to the edge of it as well, and tied to the string was....

Ashe gasped, and the letter and envelope fell to the table.

There, dangling from the string was her ring.  The ring that Rasler had given her, and the ring that Balthier had taken from her … politely.

“I’ll give it back to you … as soon as I find something more valuable,” he had said.

Somehow, he had kept his promise.  But how?

Ashe untied the ring from the note and stood, taking in its shine once more.  The band still shimmered as if it hadn’t seen one ill day since Ashe had parted with it.  She paced around the room lost in thought.  Memories of Rasler flooded into her, but with every image of his face, Balthier’s was there to take its place.  Her eyes widened at this.  Why did she think more on a sky pirate nowadays than her own husband?

She returned to the table and laid down the ring.  Somehow, being without Rasler and her ring for so long made it easier.  The weight of the ring had lifted, and it barely clanked when she had set it down.

She then picked up the letter to see what Penelo had written her.  Maybe she could explain how she had obtained the ring.  “Something more valuable: the Cache of the Glabados.  I await in Bervenia.”

Ashe was confused.  She knew that Vaan and Penelo had since become sky pirates together and that they had kept the Strahl upon Balthier’s last request, but why did Penelo write this way to her, and how could Penelo expect her to join them in Bervenia for a joint pirating adventure?  She was a queen now, and Penelo knew that.

There was only one way this letter would make sense:  if it had been written by someone else.  But she thought that impossible.

Until she looked at the back of the note.

“Give this to our Queen for me, would you?” it read.

Ashe’s heart beat unevenly.  Was this Balthier’s handwriting?  But how?  Despite the impossibility, Ashe found herself grinning with a tear in her eye.

“You didn’t think I wouldn’t keep my promise, did you?” a very familiar voice spoke out, and it startled Ashe.  She looked up at the familiar man who stood at the doorway of another room.  He took a few steps toward her, but Ashe only stood there in shock.  “You know,” he continued, “I must say I’m impressed.  I thought you would put the ring right back on.  Suppose I lost that bet to Fran then.”

“How … how....” was all Ashe could mutter.

“Don’t you remember the last thing I said to you?” he asked, as he approached.  “I said that the leading man never dies.”

Ashe smiled past the tear in her eye.  She reached out to him, for he was now only feet from her.  She touched his sleeve and made sure to feel that there was indeed a man’s arm underneath the cloth.  She looked up into his face.  “You heard me.  You really did come back.”

Her choked voice took him by surprise.  He had always known her as one to shield her emotions, but to see the tears in her eyes and to hear them even in her voice was something he had not expected of their new queen.  Somehow, she always found a way to surprise him still.

He placed his hand over hers that touched him and smiled that charming, sky pirate-y smile of his.  “Of course I did.  I’m not one to disappoint.  I suppose we’re both back from the dead now.”

She guessed this was true.  After all, she did “come back to life” after a supposed lover’s suicide.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” asked Ashe.  “And how did you get in here?”

He chuckled.  He heard that demanding tone he’d grown so fond of in her second question. Balthier considered it for a moment, and he swept her hand off him as he circled around to the other side of the table.  “Sky pirate,” he said in reply to her second, splaying his arms out.  “I snuck in while you were napping.”

“And?” she insisted.

“I didn’t tell anyone Fran and I had gotten out.  What makes you so special, my Queen?” he said mockingly and in a manner that Ashe had never heard from him before.  He sounded almost … angry.

“I thought you were dead!  We all did!  How could you do that to me?” Ashe spouted back just as angrily.  “Since then I’ve been....”

“Been what?” he demanded.

Ashe turned away, huffing an aggravated sigh.  She escaped from him to the balcony, holding herself up by the railing.  She felt as if she would crumble into a million pieces if she let go.

Balthier came up behind her, and when he saw the Bahamut in the distance, everything was starting to click into place.  “Since then you’ve been staring at that every day.  Reminded.”  He said it softly, like the time he had opened up to her about being a Judge once.

Ashe closed her eyes.

“I didn’t realize … until now,” said Balthier, “that you would have felt this way.  I thought....”

“But you don’t think!  You think of no one but yourself!” retorted Ashe.

“Come now,” he said in his usual manner, “if I thought of only myself, I wouldn’t have ‘died’ saving your city.”

“Then why didn’t you tell us you were alive?” she asked again.

It was Balthier’s turn to look away as Ashe gazed up at him.  “I thought it would be easier if you thought I was dead,” he said gently.  Then he shook his head; he couldn’t finish what he wanted to say.  “I thought it would be easier for me,” he revised, relapsing into a casual tone.  “If I were dead then there wouldn’t be a price on my head anymore, and if you knew I was still around … well, you’re the queen now, after all.”

“I do not believe that,” Ashe said frankly.

“I’m sorry to hear that then.”

“Tell me the truth,” she asked.

“There’s no more truth to be had, Queen,” he replied.  “You know, that’s not as fun to say as ‘princess’.”

“Then I’ll be honest,” said Ashe, ignoring his comment.

“Oh, about what then?” he asked, still looking at anything but her.  His fists tightened around the railing.

“I missed you,” she said plainly.

“A queen missed a pirate?  Oh ho, isn’t that something,” he said, deflecting her, still trying to block out what she was really saying.

“Maybe you came here to hear me say that, too,” she said.  “I think you didn’t come back until now because it was easier for you.”

“Oh, didn’t I already tell you that?  Now that the price on my head is—”

“No, not that,” she interrupted.  “It was easier not to think about me when you did not have to see me.”

Balthier looked down at her, his defenses momentarily cracked, and for a short time, Ashe could see the truth in his eyes.  He had missed her all these months, and he had come back to see her once again.  Maybe he had returned to see if she felt the same way, or maybe he had come back to see if he still felt what he had a year ago.  Either way, Ashe was happy he was alive.

“Is it so hard for you to tell me what you feel?” she asked.

Balthier grinned faintly, and as it faded he looked toward Bahamut and the skies above.  “Did I ever tell you why I became a sky pirate?”  They both knew he hadn’t, so he continued.  “When I was a Judge, I was ruled over by so many people.  I was sixteen when I finally left.  I still loved my father, even with what he had become.  Through the years I thought I would learn to forget him.  I became a sky pirate so that I could do that and so that I could finally be free.  I gave the orders for the first time in my life.

“But then I met a curious young fellow, a foolish little orphan boy.  To be honest I found Vaan rather annoying the first time I met him,” he said with a slight chuckle.  “But that night changed my life.  I met Basch, Penelo, and you.  Your quest brought me back to my father, and I realized that no matter how mad he had become … I loved him.”

Ashe slid closer to Balthier, as if trying to comfort him with her presence.

“Oh, but listen to me rambling about the past.  It’s nonsense really.”  He heaved a sigh.  “Being a sky pirate … that’s my life now.”

“You mean, you won’t stay?” Ashe asked.

“There are so many valuables in the world to find, you know,” he dismissed.

“But don’t you find anything of value here?” she asked, hopeful.

“Well, it is a palace with lots of temptations.  But if you’re talking about the ring then—”

“I was not.”

Balthier met her gaze then.  Her eyes were beginning to glaze over again, and he realized what valuables she had been referring to.  He looked away quickly at a loss for what to say.  But then he felt Ashe’s hand slide overtop his, and he felt chilled and warmed by the sensation all the same.

To Ashe, it reminded her of the time she had soothed Rasler on this same balcony.  He had smiled at her, but Balthier … he looked at her then with a range of emotions, and she could not decipher which took priority over the others.

“Ashe....” began Balthier as he turned toward her fully.  Her hand was still holding his.  He sighed.  “I shouldn’t have come to see you.”  He started back into the palace, but Ashe’s grip on his hand pulled him right back to her.  He looked at her a final time then rubbed her hand off and continued away from her.

But then she called to him, saying the very thing he was afraid of.

“I love you.”

He stopped in his tracks, eyes closed.  What should have brought any other man joy showered him with pain.  He turned to her, his eyes full of sorrow as he looked at her tear-soaked eyes.  She had finally admitted what he had guessed.

“Ashe … I ....”  To both his and Ashe’s surprise, he, too, began to choke up.  His eyes stung and he tried to blink away the pain.  He tried to outshine his pain with a grin and a teasing remark.  “Don’t you have suitors to fall in love with?”  But it wasn’t working.  He hadn’t expected her to admit it, much less break down like a schoolboy if she had.

Ashe understood that it was his way of trying to keep his emotions in check, but she, too, noticed that no amount of his control could quell the feelings that rushed through him now.

“I understand that you may not feel the same.  I thought you might reject my feelings.  I know how close you and Fran are, but if this is the last time I see you … I needed to tell you.”

“Me and Fran?”

“Yes.  You love her, don’t you?” Ashe asked.

“…Of course I do,” he replied immediately, and Ashe hung her head.  He scoffed, trying to get his emotions back in check as he approached her.  “But that’s not it entirely.  Fran is the closest thing I’ve ever had to family.”

“So then…?” Ashe looked up, tears streaking her eyes.

Balthier huffed a sigh.  “How could you love a cold-hearted, pirating bastard like me?”

“But you aren’t.  I’ve seen who you really are.  A selfless, caring man.”

“Right.  And all these years I thought myself someone out for the shiniest gil,” he sneered.

“That’s who you are to survive, not who you are underneath,” she pointed out.

“Now I know how you came to be queen,” he smirked.  He leaned against the railing again, gathering his strength for what he needed to say to her.  He had never had to deal with something so difficult before, and he thought it odd that he would rather be in a fight for his life right now rather than having this discussion with Ashe.

“The point is, Ashe,” he began.  “I came here to tell you something.”

“What?”

“I came here to find out how you felt, and if you felt the way you do … to tell you that you shouldn’t love me.”

Ashe took a step back, her heart pounding loudly, so loudly she thought maybe he could hear it. “Don’t you love me?”

“What would your life with me be like?  I’m an outlaw.  How could a queen love someone like that and think that her country would agree to it?  The life that you have, it’s not for me.  It’s the life I ran away from.  How could you expect me to go back to all that?  Being what someone else wants me to be instead of being who I am.”  Finally, he was telling her the truth.  All his emotions that he had bottled for so long were at last spilling free.  But....

“You did not answer my question, Balthier,” she said, her face as stern as her station.

Balthier reached out a hand to touch her cheek, but he stopped right before his fingers made contact.  He was retracting his hand when Ashe grabbed it and placed it gently over her soft skin.  He smiled sadly as he held his hand between her cheek and hand.  “I wish I could say that I could throw away my life for you … but I can’t do that.  Then I wouldn’t be the man that you love anymore.  My life is in the skies.  But maybe I’ll catch a glimpse of you if I fly by from time to time.”

“You know where to find me,” Ashe said, and it made them both smile.

“Now then, I must be going.  Fran wouldn’t admit it, but she’s likely growing impatient,” he said with a laugh.  He let his hand slip from her face.  “You know, you look more beautiful without war wrinkling your face anymore.”

Ashe laughed through her tears.

“Goodbye … Ashe,” he said, and he turned away.

She knew that she may never see him again, and she knew—no matter how much he had avoided actually saying it—that he loved her, too.  And she wasn’t really the queen yet, not until her coronation next month.  Maybe all that was why she ran to him then, running right in front of him, and grabbing him straight away into a kiss.  She knew she had surprised him because for the short while that she embraced him he was too astonished to kiss her back.

When she broke free, she gazed up at him, and his eyes were closed.  When he finally opened his eyes, he mocked her in that charming way of his.  “If you think this is going to change my mind—”

He was cut off by another kiss, and he knew she wasn’t trying to change his mind.  He knew she understood that he couldn’t abandon his way of life to live a lie with her.  It was that thought, knowing that she loved him so much not to ask him to stay, that made him kiss her in return.  He felt her wrap her arms around his shoulders, and he enveloped her in his, pulling her in for a deep and true kiss.  It was a kiss that told Ashe just how much he truly loved her and how sorry he was that he couldn’t be by her side.  She couldn’t take away his freedom, for his freedom fueled her with hope.  Though she was bound by laws and titles, she felt renewed just by knowing him, someone that made his own life by his own means and rules.

They broke apart after what seemed minutes.  Balthier leaned his forehead against hers, and could feel her breath on his lips.  “I think I should die more often,” Balthier smirked.

“Revitalizing, is it not?” returned Ashe.

“To be sure.”

Ashe then pulled away and met his gaze as they opened their eyes.  She rested her hands on his chest.  “Goodbye, Balthier.  Go find some treasure.”

“And yet, I could search for the rest of my life and never find a gem as rare and precious as you.” He stroked her cheek and kissed her forehead and then he was off.  “I’ll see you at the celebration!” he called behind him, and he exited through the same door from which he had entered.

Ashe followed him after a few moments, but he was nowhere to be seen.  She gazed back at the ring on the table.  Rasler was the man she had left behind.  Sorrow was what she had left behind.  She stepped out onto her balcony once more, and for the first time, when she looked at the Bahamut, she smiled.  A reminder, as he has pointed out, but now it reminded her of today and how much she loved a selfless, witty sky pirate named Balthier.

And maybe … just maybe … that was him now, flying over her, waving hello.

And goodbye.